Don't forget your sanity
by loveanisoka
Summary: Anakin Skywalker has one mission, one more mission as Master of Ahsoka Tano. Clean her name, he starts to follow clues to catch the mastermind behind this mess in the way, finding hidden secrets. He must survive. He can't forget his sanity.
1. Chapter 1

I was guilty.

To them I was.

The use of the reason, compassion or… humanity was missing in this room.

Big and grey room, filled with people who has my destiny in their hands.

Likewise before their destiny lay on my shoulders.

I gave everything so that my shoulders wouldn't break or my legs get weak.

I gave everything for them; but, they can't give me any reason of why they betray me this way.

Maybe, I just was another war weapon.

I was another replaceable Jedi.

If only I hadn't gone that day to visit Barriss this would never happened.

If only I hadn't finished my mission before or I had stayed cleaning up R2 as my Master told me, this would never happened.

But above all, I wish never to have been friends with Barriss.

_Few days ago…_

"Sure Skyguy, I didn't save your life" I said rolling my eyes when my Master didn't want to accept that I saved his life on Cato Neimoidia; but, it was the funny part on our relationship.

Isn't it?

"Yes Snips, sure, and so have earned the privilege to clean R2." He said smirking and winking at me.

My mouth opens, R2 is my friend but I must admit it, he is very exigent when it comes to giving him an oil bath.

He is worse than 3PO.

So let's just say that the idea wasn't like me.

R2 beeped happily.

"Master!" I say pouting, my pleading eyes going between him and R2. Anakin raised an eyebrow and laughed.

"Alright, you can clean him later." He said, punching my shoulder playfully. I smiled. _Finally I could have a bit of time for myself._

"But this is just because you did great in the mission." He said after I turned on my heels.

At middle of my way away from him, I answered craftily, "AND because I saved your life Skyguy." He rolled his eyes and sighed, I almost can hear him thinking:

"I had everything under control, Ahsoka."

I smile one more time before keep walking towards the turbolift but before I can step in it, Anakin calls out to me. "Ahsoka, be careful and out of problems, come back for dinner time." He said as if I still had fifteen years old instead of seventeen.

Maybe he doesn't accept that I have grown up or it's just habit.

I don't know why but I like when he looks after me.

"I know Master, you don't have to repeat it again." I say sighing. Yes, I liked the idea that he cares about me but not that he treats me like a girl. "I'm sorry Ahsoka is just that… I cannot help but protect you." He looks at the ground.

"You are under my care and I hate just thinking that I would lose you because you are my little girl, Snips."

My eyes widen and I couldn't understand what my Master, Anakin Skywalker, just confessed.

Without thinking, I ran and I hugged Anakin, in this moment I wasn't thinking in the Code or in the attachments rule.

I just had to do it, I just had to hug Anakin.

After a few seconds, I feel my Master's arms wrapping around me, hugging me back.

There wasn't necessity of words, but in that hug I expressed how grateful I was with him, thanking him everything that he said and done for me.

He can be the most arrogant man in the galaxy but he has the biggest heart that any other man would have in a million of years.

After a few minutes, he eventually, let me go.

He whispered softly, "Don't forget your coat, I don't want you to be cold."

I laughed and answered. "Don't forget your sanity." I said walking away from him.

"Never." He sighed.

"I will in our quarters around seven o'clock." I yelled over my shoulder. He only waved at me and I lost sight of him when I entered into the turbolift.

Back to the present…

Ahsoka Tano's POV:

My Master was behind me, watching me with deep sadness and pain.

Pain that will be difficult of forget and will leave scars for life.

The holopad with the votes, with my destiny in it, was given to the Chancellor.

He reads it, and strangely enough, I couldn't read his thoughts.

Too bad, I would prepare myself for my inevitable death.

I turn to Anakin, my eyes filling with tears and with I can see that his eyes were filled with tears too.

Did he deserve this suffering?

Did I deserve this suffering?

This was the question that opened my eyes, my sanity again.

"Before enunciate the verdict of The Senate, Ahsoka Tano. Do you have something to tell us?"

I will do it, the consequences doesn't matter now.

"I didn't murder those people, someone else did it." I say with few hopes that I had of them believing in me.

"Do you believe that we will trust you, Tano?" Admiral Tarkin asked severely.

"Tell me, under what reasons do you believe that we will think that you are telling us the truth because in my point of view, you are no longer trustworthy." He said raising an eyebrow and clasping his hands behind his back.

"I can give you names and where are all the plans and evidence that the person who did this wasn't me!"

I could feel everyone's intrigue even Tarkin's, floating in the air.

"So tell us now and we will make sure to send a group of clones and Jedi to investigate this while you are under custody."

I open my eyes and feel a lump forming in my throat and my strength slowly leaving me.

My dry lips open to pronounce the name of Barriss, but my words weren't coming out of me, I breathed deeply.

"The person behind this and my incrimination is…"

Before I can say another word, a shot came from the window, hitting my chest, leaving a track of fire in my skin.

I felt everything but at the same time nothing, my body falls on the platform's heavy and cold floor.

My body will be soon just another lifeless person in the ground.

This was all, there wasn't another chance for me to clear my name.

I wasn't going to dead as the brave warrior that I used to be.

That they used to call me.

I will die as a murderer.

Tears start to roll down my cheeks, the voices of the senators beginning to fade as well as my senses.

"Ahsoka!"

It was the last thing that I heard before drown in my little world of darkness that possibly was the Force or maybe just the death that was soliciting my name.

"I'm sorry Master, I won't be your little girl anymore."

My lungs ceased their movement, they stopped taking oxygen to just stay still.

My heart stopped beating, the memories flowed through my mind.

"I'm sorry Master, you didn't deserved this."

My life abandoned my body and I can feel a big force taking my spirit away.

_Thank you Skyguy, for everything. I love you, big brother._ I think to him before enter into a strange world.

_The Force world._

Anakin Skywalker's POV:

When I see Ahsoka being shoot, everything was in slow motion. "Ahsoka!" I cried her name.

I Force jumped to her platform and I took her hand in mine.

"Please, please. Don't die in my arms, Snips." I say wrapping her in my arms putting my forehead on her forehead, sobbing.

Now nothing mattered, I didn't care who was watching me, I just wanted my Snips back.

"Y-you told me that you never will leave my side, w-we were Skyguy and Snips." I whisper to her still crying.

"Thank you Skyguy, for everything. I love you, big brother."

I heard Ahsoka's words and I felt our bond break. I clenched my hands into fists.

She was gone and I would never see her again.

I would never see her smiling or laughing again.

"I love you too, little sister." I say rubbing her now cold cheek.

I start to rock her lifeless body in my arms, not wanting to let her go again.

"We were Skyguy and Snips, we were that… Why did you leave me, little one?" I say trying to not fail one more time.

"Wasn't I was a good Master?" A tear rolls down my cheek.

"Wasn't I?" I say, still sobbing.

A gentle hand rested on my shoulder and I knew that it were Obi-Wan.

"Leave me alone." I mumbled, still rocking Ahsoka on my arms.

"Anakin," Obi-Wan said, trying to comfort me, "everything will be fine."

"Fine? FINE! DO YOU CALL THIS FINE, OBI-WAN? BECAUSE I SEE THIS AS KRIFFIN' WRONG! AHSOKA, MY SNIPS IS DEAD!" I yelled.

I sense all of the senators eyes on me, but I couldn't care less.

"Anakin, please." Obi-Wan says softly.

I looked down at Ahsoka and I think that she would like to see me doing the right thing.

I nodded slowing, taking Ahsoka's corpse in my arms.

The senators keep watching every step that I took.

I opened the door and a cold wind enter through it. A memory came flashing through my mind.

_"Don't forget your coat, I don't want you to be cold"._

Now, she is colder than ever.

"Don't forget your sanity."

Another tear rolls down my cheek.

"Never." I mumble, walking away with my little Snips in my arms, leaving a broken-hearted man behind.

**A/N: Well I had a writer block in the other stroy so I'm writing this one for a while.**

**Don't worry, I will still writing the other one. **

**Please R&R and thank you, Katierosefun for Beta'ing this :)**


	2. Back to Mortis

Ahsoka Tano POV:

"Where am I?"

It's a simple question that I slowly began to forget. My senses were disoriented and my voice drowned, my question was still floating in the air.

Nobody answered it.

Where was the world?

After a long period of time, trying to understand why I couldn't open my eyes or better said, why I didn't let myself to.

Why did I feel so… empty?

I opened my eyes for the first time, focusing in my surroundings.

The reflected light in each waterfall of the place was falling like a white veil.

Pure and welcoming.

The sound of the waterfalls made me wish to listen them forever. This place was beautiful; it was like I've dreamt every planet of the galaxy, back when I was younger.

When I was just a girl, when the innocence sprang from me.

In the distance, I saw a figure that I've become to get used to and…_love._

This figure was approaching to me, his steps making noises when his boots crunched the little stones under his heel.

It was Anakin.

I couldn't help but to smile and run to his arms, which were waiting me, wide open.

"Master, Master!" I started to cry out. He smiled at me and that was when I felt that my heart was about to explode for the excitement.

Happiness was radiating from me.

But when I touched his arms, he faded. Just like the air around me, he disappeared.

I look at my sides and I look back_. He wasn't here._

Realization crushed with all its force, leaving me speechless.

How could he be here if… I'm dead?

I fall on my knees, watching at my hands. I felt my hands but… how this could be possible? If I was here, I felt alive.

But empty.

I look up with the slight hope to see Anakin in front of me asking if I was alright, asking if I had a nightmare. It was just a vision, my mind was about to collapse, I felt weak.

"Welcome!" A warm voice echoed, a very familiar voice.

_What? I'm not alone?_

I watched at every direction, trying to find the person who gave me the welcome to the death´s world.

Then I look it. I was looking at myself—my younger self which was smiling up at me. Taken back, I glared at the fourteen years old past apparition of me.

She…_ I_, was wearing the tank-top, white leggings, a single lightsaber attached at her belt and she had the Padawan braid.

"Where am I?" I asked. She rolled her eyes.

"You are in Mortis."

When I heard that name, my face went pale and I felt my knees tremble like rubber.

"No, it's impossible! Mortis was destroyed!" I mumble, trying to not believe it.

She smirked, making fun of me. "Or it was what you think, Miss Know-it-All, I can't understand how I become in… that" She said, sighing.

I just stay still, processing the information.

Mortis… still exists?

Anyways, what I were doing here, talking with my younger-self?

Is this even possible?

"So, how is Skyguy? I haven't seen him in a few years." She said, watching the sky, which was dotted with bunches of stars. Her question left me intrigued.

"I died just few hours ago… and I said goodbye to him" I said, feeling my eyes filling with tears, thinking about it.

I made him suffer too much.

How much pain will he be willing to support?

My train of thinking stopped when the other Ahsoka, I mean _me_, my younger-self…

Ugh, I think that I have to give her a nickname.

"I'm talking about me…the _old_ Ahsoka. Remember? The happy, snippy and the one with enthusiasm." She giggles. Maybe she remembered when she said the same to Anakin years ago.

"I haven't seen him for a long time" She tells me, melancholy.

"You know, since you locked me in the back of the _serious and responsible_ Ahsoka." She said, pausing and looking me in the eyes.

"I don't even remember when was the last time that I called Anakin _Skyguy._" She clenched her hands into fists with tears in her eyes.

"T-Those were our names… until you destroyed it" She stares coldly at me, her lip trembling.

Did I feel so afflicted for something that I thought that was insignificant for me?

I pressed my lips together, without knowing what to say.

How was I to apologize to… myself…?

"I'm sorry," I say, feeling stupid.

"Yeah? Well, I'm sorry, too." She says before turning on her heel and start walking away from me.

Leaving myself with a lot of questions inside me.

Was this was another vision?

If it was, why did I meet with myself?

I embraced my legs and I sat there for who knows how much time, looking at the horizon.

Wanting to see… Skyguy there.

Then I cried for how many hours, I hadn't had the chance to tell him how much I loved him.

**A/N: I made this chapter short because I wanted to take the feelings and put them here! Don't worry I've already written the other chapter and I'm with writer's block but the other story will be up soon! :D**

**As always, thank you Katierosefun for beta'ing this! **

**And yep, I made this an Anisoka story why? Because I just love those two! :3**


	3. Who am I?

Anakin Skywalker POV:

Why am I even bothering? Why am I even bothering to act as if I'm strong when I'm not?

I'm not strong, not without her—

The days have passes slowly, making me suffer with the tick-tock of the clock. I just hope that this torture will end, although I will never stop blaming myself.

_Never._

It was all my fault. I didn't protect her or try to stop this situation. I wasn't a good Master. I'm even doubting myself when I loved her with my whole heart. Why didn't I stop this before it was too late?

My shaking hands rub my sweating face. I was feeling the face of a failure!

_Feeling the face of a bad Master, friend and only for me… lover._

I take the glove from my flesh hand and I press my thumb over my scar on my right eye. Over this war scar.

Reminding me that I have failed other times too but they never have felt as painful as this one. This is a superficial scar and less painful than the scars from the inside, that never heal and sometimes hurt a bit.

To remind us that they are there with us, forever.

The scar that she left in me is so big that I can barely breath, I can barely… get over this feeling of emptiness.

Blue, expressionless irises search for a mirror or something to reflect myself into, big bags under my eyes for the lack of sleep, makes me feel vulnerable and weak.

_Kriff_, even the Council has noticed it but that is the least thing that I bother right now.

When I find a mirror, I see myself in it, and only one word comes to my mind.

_Failure._

I don't know how many times I have to repeat it. Maybe until the pain goes away (hardly) or when I finally know how I really am will the repetition finally fade into the darkness.

I'm nothing more and nothing less than a failure. I couldn't take it. All these years, I couldn't take it. My feelings were in turmoil every time I saw her.

Her smile, her beautiful eyes, her graceful silhouette.

She was beautiful… No, she was perfect.

She _was._

But for her, I was just her big brother. And I had to act as I only saw her as my little sister, just to don't make her get away from me. Without noticing, she is farther away that I wished, than I could have supported.

My mind doesn't know how to act against this, my body is numb and it seems that my heart stopped beating…that I stopped living. I didn't want to get out to the world. I'm not ready to face the fact that she won't come running after me when I leave the door, walking to the mess hall.

Everything will bring me so many memories about her.

My messy hair and my unshaved chin and face makes me wonder if I still care about myself.

That I know that the answer would be a rotund, no.

But, then again, when I ever cared about myself? It was always her.

_Nobody else._

I'm afraid. For the first time in my life, I'm really afraid.

I'm afraid of giving one step and falling… Because I don't trust in myself anymore. I'm afraid of being in the front lines soon and when I turn around to tell her how many droids I've destroyed, she won't be there to tell me that I'm show off to smile later.

A loud sigh creeps out of my throat and lips.

I hate saying good-bye.

I hate it when people abandon me.

My mother, Padme and in some sick way… me.

I'm a hypocrite, too, then.

Everybody has abandoned me but Ahsoka. She wanted to live, be at my side… maybe.

But she was murderer.

My fist hits the wall and the pain travels through my nervous system and leaves a tingling feeling in my arm.

_Why me? Why her?_

_Why us?_

Did I deserve it?

Now, I just want revenge, the anxiety for it was unbearable but satiable, once my revenge is carried on I can die in peace, to be with her forever.

Everything was perfect except for a little detail.

Revenge is not the Jedi way

Lately that statement, that sacred belief has been a pain.

Everyone has taken revenge on someone or something because it's normal in our behavior.

It is normal, human… it is a feeling.

Feelings that we—the Jedi—have to repress in ourselves were to make us stronger and capable.

The Code is trying to make us unfeeling beings, senseless people to don't get hurt and fall to the Dark Side.

The Code don't let us love.

The most natural, beautiful and sensitive thing in the galaxy is out of our reach, and sometimes I think it is the only way to make us less living forms and more brainless peace keepers.

When did we lose our right to feel?

When did we let this happen?

When did _I _let this happen?

I'm the Chosen One after all, and that is what they believe.

But I don't believe that.

The prophecy tell us about a strong, powerful and capable man that will bring balance to the Force, that his light and power in the Force will bring the Galaxy peace and happiness.

But I'm everything but the Chosen One.

Damn, even _if_ my thoughts have light in them, I can't be that person.

I'm not that person.

The Council has been wrong. It is wrong about another kriffing thing!

My trust in The Council has been shaken by the powerful force of the distrust that is growing every day bigger and stronger. They have implanted an idea in my head making me think that I'm someone that I'm not, leaving me with a heavy thought with a simple question.

_Who am I?_

I'm not The Hero without Fear, I'm not the General of the 501st army.

I'm not the Chosen One.

I'm not powerful enough to be the Chosen One.

_WHO AM I?_

Anakin Skywalker, the boy with the dream of being free into the galaxy from slavery, with the blonde hair and his face covered with a cape of dust and oil from the pod-racers yet with a heavy shade of blue in his eyes that reflects all the fear and anguish he is feeling for his mother.

Or Anakin Skywalker, the man who isn't supposed to feel fear, that can't have the luxury of a lost battle, or have feelings. People see him as a hero without knowing that behind these cold blue eyes he hides the most terrible thoughts in the galaxy because his heart has been broken too many times for his liking.

The sound of my comm make me see down at my wrist before talking through it.

_"Skywalker."_ I say with my General voice.

It seems that I have to be Anakin Skywalker, "The Failure One."

_"Sir, we found her… We found Commander Tano's murderer."_

_Found_

_Commander Tano's_

_Murderer_

Those three words echoed through my head and in a second I sprint towards the prison.

_"Force, please help her."_ I think before images an idea of what I will do to her when I see her cross my mind.

Without wasting time, I jumped in a speeder and flew away, leaving behind all my Jedi teachings and for Force sake even my self-control.

**A/N: Here a longer chapter than the last one, maybe it was boring but I really wanted to you too see into Anakin's feelings.**

**Next chapter will be more interesting as we see what is Ahsoka doing in Mortis and how Anakin will act when he sees the murderer.**

**Thank you Katierosefun for Beta'ing this and thanks to: Katierosefun, Guest and ahsokanerd for reviewing :) **


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